In this dangerous era, the Panda Bear is here to record one of the darkest pages in mankind’s history. Make no mistake, dear readers: the unfolding conflict in North Korea could very well mean the end of us all. When President Kennedy defused the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962, he was rightly credited for saving the world from a new devastating World War. It seems that such leadership is long gone today.
There were hopes for the contrary, however, with a Peace Summit being called this morning by the UN Secretary General, Felix Johnston-Brunn. In that summit, world powers decided on de-escalation of the conflict and denuclearization – or so we thought. For as soon as the talking shop decided to suspend its meeting, world leaders went right back to waging war on each other, with both China and the US escalating the conflict in North Korea by sending in both their air force and ground troops, with massive military and civilian losses (not to mention general devastation) as a result. The US then proceeded to blame their military intervention as an order of rogue officials installed by President Trump, who had himself signed the order of invasion right upon his deposition by his Cabinet this morning, and maliciously passed on the order to his military leaders in the region. As soon as the American cabinet was able to regain control of its army, it subsequently decided to start withdrawing its troops, thus (temporarily) avoiding immediate nuclear armageddon. But with many of its retreating troops still stuck in North Korean territory, this may turn into a military and strategic disaster for the United States.
However, not being content with this extremely close call, China further raised the ire of the international community by invading Vietnam and delivering a formal declaration of war to the American Embassy in Beijing. Perhaps motivated by all other world leaders’ opportunistic seizure of territory, Australia and the Philippines have apparently decided to cut out a piece of the world map and take it for themselves, as they are now blockading Indonesia.
In the experienced eye of this Panda Bear reporter, it is only a matter of time before world powers directly face off against each other – and then, there will be no telling who will emerge victorious, and how. Clearly, any nations really wishing to go down this path of self-interested theft of territory and wealth must ask themselves what spoils will remain for them to take if this mounting conflict really does devolve into total, global-scale nuclear war.
Well folks, it’s been nice knowing you.
The Southeast Asian Times can confirm that the United States Air Force has started indiscriminately bombing the whole territory of North Korea, with great loss of civilian lives but also ‘yuge’ losses to Chinese and North Korean troops in the country. The US Air Force has already admitted that the anti-aircraft preparedness in North Korea has turned out to be greater than it originally anticipated, mainly due to Chinese reinforcements having brought in a great amount of anti-aircraft equipment.
And to add insult to injury, the US has also sent ground troops out of its South Korean bases, which have started to cross the Demilitarized Zone and are now flowing into North Korea, encountering fierce resistance on the way in. As there is sure to be a military reaction from the People’s Republic of China to this invasion, we all have much to fear that this situation will escalate even further – the use of nuclear weapons can now no longer be categorically excluded.
Thanks to leaked photographs from Russian spy satellites, the Times can now exclusively report that the US is mobilizing its air force bases in the Pacific. Indeed, it would seem that the American Cabinet has put its air force assets on high alert, with imminent military action in mind. Additionally, the Pentagon and the White House have gone to DEFCON 1, which would indicate an impending military strike. This is highly unlikely news at a time when world leaders are meeting in Vienna to de-escalate mounting tension and conflict on the Korean peninsula, but there is sure to be a strong diplomatic and perhaps military response to this breaking news.
A late afternoon meeting of the SEACC was held yesterday, gathering the representatives of China, the Philippines, Japan, Australia, North Korea, and the United States of America. A general desire for peace and de-escalation materialised in the room, and so it was agreed upon that a Peace Summit will be held today at 11 am in Geneva, at the Palais des Nations, under UN auspices. The UN Security Council remains seized of the situation.
The international community awaits for the outcome of this meeting with bated breath, since 3 of the actors involved in the conflict have a sizable nuclear arsenal: China, the USA, and North Korea.
After the botched construction of a Chinese oil rig, oil is still spilling into the sea close to the Spratly Islands. As confirmed by a neutral, international investigation, the catastrophic failure of the oil rig was due to severe lackings in the construction of the installation by Sinopec & ExxonMobil. Despite the fact that the oil is still spilling at spillage rates unseen since the explosion of the Deepwater Horizon oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico in 2010, none of the involved actors are taking responsibility. On the contrary: the state-controlled Chinese news agency Xinhua blamed the environmental disaster on sabotage by Vietnamese agents, an allegation for which it provided zero evidence. This has caused a severe deterioration in diplomatic relations between the two countries, which has prompted international observers to openly fear a large-scale armed escalation of this dispute.
The Panda Bear is bringing you exclusive footage from what seems to be the kidnapping of DPRK leader Kim Jong-Un as he recovered from an ailment in a Chinese panda sanctuary.
Get your shit together, Andrew.